dear todd, i’ve known you since before i was old enough to drink, being your friend got easier when i started. if you think i am going to write you a heartfelt happy birthday caption then you are a dipshit love, scotty wotty doo doo
i’m so sorry, i love you but i have to throw you off the boat in case we hit an iceberg and have to abandon the boat and there’s only one piece of a door to hang onto and it’s too small for both of us. i can’t let the same thing that happened to jack happen to me.
haters will say this is photoshopped, fake, not real... but trust me it is real. you may find what i’m about to say next even harder to believe but this is actually a photo of Zane and I when we were kids. we used to play in the woods, copy each other’s homework, and push eachother on the swings during recess. he didn’t care that i was a human, and i didn’t care that he was a bear... years go by, i start to see that zane is growing much faster than i. after doing some research i find out that grizzly bears grow to be 900 pounds and capable of ripping humans apart limb from limb with EASE. i distance myself from zane, fearing for my life as he grew older... and bigger. he was heartbroken thinking that he was losing me as a friend, and this is how the zane you know now came to be. he underwent a surgery to become human, and i will always blame myself for making him feel like he wasn’t good enough to be my friend. just because he was a bear. i love him as he is now, but occasionally the remnants of his fur that stretches from his butt up to his lower back reminds me of how cute and cuddly he was as a cub.