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#sorryforthesobstory

Posts tagged as #sorryforthesobstory on Instagram

44 Posts

lets get really real for a sec, just for a sec though. lol.  for as long as i can remember weight has been a huge thing. starving myself to make a weight division that i would perform well in. that would mean cutting 10-15 pounds for me. after competitions i would binge and gain all the weight back and then lose it all within two weeks of the weigh-ins. when i started college i pulled back from competing as much & started to gain weight. i remember that i gained about 15 pounds from what i would walk around at while i was still competing. i felt heavier but always would make excuses like “well i’ve been cutting my entire life, right now i can relax” and that was wrong thinking๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„ wish someone would’ve slapped me.  because i started gaining weight, it put extra stress on my body when i would move around, resulting in me getting injured. once that happened everything got worse. after my surgery, in one year i gained 50 pounds. yes you read that right. 50 POUNDS!! i would baby my knee and it didn’t help with my rehab nor with my health. every time i started to workout i would think about my knee injury and stop. as my pt said “your knee is the strongest it will ever be, it’s your mind that needs the healing now” and that’s what held me back, my head.  the picture on the left is me last year in May. i was at my highest weight i’d ever reached. i remember that day, i put those jeans on, finished doing my makeup and everything, walked out of the house and felt gross. i felt gross in my own skin. how terrible is that? i was depressed at where my health was, and that i was still on the mend with my knee.  the picture in the middle is Christmas Eve, 2017. i had started working out a lot, and wasn’t doing things the healthy way. i was only eating once a day, IF THAT, and was working out all day! the picture on the right is me today. i am happy, i feel good. there’s still a lot left to my journey, and i’m happy to take y’all along with me.
Well it’s been a while ๐Ÿ˜‚ I’ve literally not posted on this account for well over a year now. Bit of a life update: I moved from my hometown to York a year ago this month and pretty much had an awful year, including going through a rough break up a couple of months after moving with my then fiancé, a broken ankle, and my landlords kicking me out with 3 weeks notice. My diet definitely took a back seat as I tried my hardest to get my life back on track living in a new city completely on my own, with a new job as a Lush Manager and a very expensive house to pay for on my own. Anyway 1 year down the line and I’m happier than ever, I have my own perfect little flat in the city centre, I absolutely LOVE my job and I no longer have a limp (amazing). I’ve got so many amazing people surrounding me both in York and at home including my lovely boyfriend who is literally the sweetest guy on earth and would do anything to make me laugh. (cringe) I thought it was about time to get fit again so here’s a picture of my first semi healthy meal. LETS DO THIS ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป #sorryforthesobstory #cringinghell #redas
I think the most important milestone I’ve hit in Crossfit hasn’t been a squat PR, an RX next to my name,or even a first of anything. My journey of working through an injury has shown me to appreciate the little victories that are more than often overlooked. Do not take your health, flexibility, strength, or your built up endurance for granted. Take the 20 minutes to stretch. Learn from others. Listen to coaches. Correct your bad form habits. When something you do easily everyday is taken away in a second you realize how grateful you were as you fight as hard as you can for it back. As I come close to feeling normal in the gym again I can’t help but to be a little thankful for my pain. I value my recovery for it has shown me what is important in my life. I love Crossfit. #sorryforthesobstory #crossfit #love  #recovery ๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿผ‍โ™€๏ธ
It has been 2 years since the world lost the bright light that was my mom. “Why wait, do it now,” her ever sounding advice, that she also lived her life by, enabled her to accomplish so much in the short 59 years she spent living... and did she ever live.  Horseback rider, seamstress, 3rd degree black belt, mounted sheriff, sharp shooter, small business owner, first female chairlift operator on the east coast, brilliant, beautiful, selfless... she taught me to sew, to stand up for myself, and most importantly to care for everyone, no matter who they are. I’m often devastatingly lost without being able to pick up the phone and call her. But I am comforted when I look in the mirror and see her smiling face looking back at me, and when I laugh our scrunched up face, crying laugh.  It never gets any easier but you do learn to deal. Miss you โค๏ธ #sorryforthesobstory #idoitformymomma #lifeisshort #fuckcancer #2years #missmyperson
I’ll hop on the good ol’ bandwagon here and talk about 2017. This year has been a year of new, exciting things while also being one of the most difficult years of my life. I was reminded how much good has come from this year. But I also said goodbye to my childhood home. I said goodbye to the fantasy that my parents would remain together and I’ve said goodbye to friendships. It has been tough with lots of tears and times of feeling and being alone. My 2017 will end with a bang with hopes of 2018 being 10 times better. Sorry that this post got deep, but it’s a time of reflection, is it not? So! In conclusion, here are the highlights of 2017. I finished my 7 year journey of post secondary ๐ŸŽ“ Did more travelling than I have done in my whole life ๐ŸŒดAdulted and got a brand new vehicle ๐Ÿš˜ Met @karlurban AND started paying off debt ๐Ÿ˜Š #heresto2017๐Ÿพ #bestnine2017 #ontobiggerandbetterthings #sorryforthesobstory #woot
It took 11 1/2 years, but his face is getting more and more white every week. It breaks my heart. I can't stop obsessing about how every hair that turns white will never be red again. I feel like I have to make every day the best day ever because I don't know how much time is left. Maybe many, many years. Maybe that's just wishful thinking. Because I just can't imagine a world he's not in. #ilovehimmorethanwords #everydayisthebestdayever #sorryforthesobstory #imlyingimnot ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž
Not the finish I wanted but who ever wants to bust?  My last hand I have 52dd in the BB with 30bbs. Mid position opens for 2.1 bb button flats i decide to flat.  Flop k52 2 hearts. Mp bets 30% pot button flats i raise to around pot so I have 1:1 pot to stack if called in one spot. Mp folds button calls turn OS4 I jam button has 55 GG.  Knowing I can get there, albeit with a bit of rungood and being a card rack gives me hope for a win someday! #nlhe #sorryforthesobstory
....that time when I begged and pleaded for my daddy to take off my training wheels, only to suddenly be gripped with fear and REFUSE to get back on my bike... Causing frustration, helplessness, and even some disappointment to wash over my dad as he watched fear take over me. He tried with no avail to restore my joy, my excitement and my willingness to take a leap and try something big.  The next morning I woke up excited! I got dressed as quickly as possible, ran out the door, hopped on my bike, and away I went!  My dad barely got a step out the door when he realized I was off and actually riding my bike! He darted for the camera like any great dad to capture this fearless moment in time... Where I finally took a leap and then to capture the beautiful moment of success!  This moment will forever be etched in my mind.... I only wish he could be here today. To once again share a breathtaking moment of fearlessness as I finally step out in faith. For him to see the beautiful picture of success and to see a bright hope for my future in art.  Today was sweet. Bittersweet. I miss him.๐Ÿ’” #sorryforthesobstory #justkeepinitreal #daddysgirlforever #bittersweetmoment #bigdaytoday
It's difficult for me to do PT. It's boring and I feel embarrassed doing the exercises at a gym. After lifting heavy for 2 years and being in the best shape of my life, I tore my labrum and was told that I shouldn't lift anymore... I have to keep reminding myself that every small exercise leads to healing and getting back to that fitness level I crave. These are my least favorite; I used to do glute bridges with 100 lbs on my hips, now I do body weight with a band. Baby steps... #sorryforthesobstory  #fitness #girlswholift #injury #pt #physicaltherapy #recovery #glutes #staymotivated @deeptvt
Seeing myself this focused and ready to make a lift is such a boost to how I see myself. I've been struggling to cut weight and started weighing each morning to see the ups and downs for myself, but it's almost had a negative affect on my mood and self esteem. I have to remind myself that I am no longer 240lbs regardless of what the mirror looks like. You would think after so much change I would be a walking beacon of self worth but that's not how it works. If anything I am harder on myself now. Images like this remind me of what I am capable of and how far I have come from being the new girl in the gym... too afraid to pick up a weight. #strength #progress #sorryforthesobstory #iamstrong #iambeautiful #selfworth #girlswholift #girlswhopowerlift #girlswithmuscle #exodus #exodusbarbell #womenwholift #womenwithmuscle #peachgang #squats #powerlifting #confidence
Yep, whining about my hair again. Guess it's time to face reality and give up on the notion that I will just have a 1.5-2" bald band to cover. This was from running my fingers through my hair today! I have to go tomorrow to find a ball cap or something because wearing a hoodie in 90 degree heat with the hood up is a bit much, just so I feel okay in public. I thought I had J's Mossy Oak Justin hat, but I can't find it anywhere. Anyway, my psyche cannot handle this hurdle well at all! The optimist in me says, "You're still beating cancer 4+ years after a grim prognosis! It's just hair, it should come back! Be grateful for everything you have been given for you are truly blessed to have the love and support of so many!" But then I catch my reflection in something and this mean girl comes out and says, "You regretted cutting your hair short when you finished IV chemo. You still cringe when you see pix of it that short! Wigs are hot, itchy, and expensive. You have always looked bad in stocking and sun hats." And last, but not least, I see my heartbreak reflecting in Jocelyn's eyes. Every time she sees me looking at what's left of my hair, I can see how much she sees me hurting. Her heart bleeds for me, no matter how pitiful I may seem. So maybe if I have it cut off then I can get over the shock of the extreme short hair again and start getting my head straight so I'm more comfortable being in public. Okay, so now that this has taken an hour to write because I bawled more than a few times, I think I'm ready to move on! Anyone, that is a skilled stylist, want to cut off my hair? I will need a few days so we're out of the temp apt by Tuesday, but I can meet somewhere once J gets off work Wednesday or after. Wow! I have asked for so much these last few weeks, please forgive me for being so forward. #itsonlycancer #cancersurvivor #cancersucks #itsgottago #balding #pitypartyofone #prayersforsanity #itsonlyhair #mydaughterrocks #sheismyrock #emotionalrollercoaster
This adorable little nuisance is literally the only thing keeping me sane right now and no matter how much I yell at him or give him a firm smack he always comes back and loves me.. and that is why a dog is a mans best friend. Because when youre down and wanting to end it all this amazing four legged creature will run up to you and lick your face and make you smile and make you realise that youre young and there is so much in this world to live for and that he probably wouldnt understand if he never saw me again and when I have to move out Im going to miss this little critter so much and I honestly dont know if i would still be sane without my doggo Goku. I remember one day when I was literally broken and I lost all feeling in my body and I couldnt control my emotions I was on the ground out back and he literally rolled me onto my back, licked my face and laid down next to me with his adorable face on top of my neck I love Goku and of anyone ever tries to hurt him or take him from me I swear I will rain a torrent of pain onto the poor soul who dares try to take him He is MY dog and that will be fact until the day he passes #sorryforthesobstory #goku #mygod #mansbestfriend #lovehim #doggo #canines #blueheeler #feels #photooftheday #gottalovegoku #bestfriend #reliable #alwaysthere #plentytolivefor #downbutnotout #timetokickitintogear #reinvigorateyourself
It might be another workout picture to you, but to me this speaks volume. It reminded me that we set the example. They are influenced by the path we choose. Just another humbling experience to never stop training to be better.  Photo Credit - @katewdavis  #mach3cf #crossfit #bebetter #ipromiseshewaswatching #shemovestoquickfortheperfectpicture #sorryforthesobstory #notreally
I guess I never posted this.. I made this for my dad of his dog that passed away awhile back, we put her down because of her dangerously strong anxiety.. it was the anniversary around father's day so his gift was this. He still has it, and I really put A LOT OF time and thought into this last minute. I love and miss her so much ๐Ÿ˜ง๐Ÿถ #sorryforthesobstory #penne #rip #chihuahua #art
Long post warning โš ๏ธ The past couple of days have been rough. This business can be brutal at times which is sad. It's easy to take it personally and feel less than what you truly are. I've never understood why in photography and the wedding business in particular it can be so catty. Nobody can be friends with other local photographers and heaven forbid you compliment or "Like" another's photo!  So for today I'm holding on to this little quote for dear life and keeping my fingers crossed that maybe tomorrow will be a little friendlier. (Or maybe I'll just care a little less about today's worries.) Until then, just be kind to those around you. You truly never know what battles they might be fighting today. #sorryforthesobstory #99%sureilldeletethistomorrow
Some days you just have to believe ๐Ÿƒ the babe and I have been fighting a chest infection and cough for a couple of days. It follows weeks of just feeling 'sick' ๐Ÿ˜žToday is my day off and I thought during nap time I would take some me time and meditate.  Thinking about me momentarily ๐Ÿ’ญ hmmm I think I have a sinus infection! So back to doctor we go (we went yesterday for someone's chest infection) and got me some antibiotics. Hoping now we both can kick it and start to feel better and I can get some motivation back ๐Ÿ˜ด #sorryforthesobstory #budgetmum #budgetmumblog #waitingforthegood #qotd #goodwillhappen
New ideas..really can't believe how things have changed throughout this year.. spectacular highs and crushing lows.  Mammothfest really signalled the start of something,  lest it roll on. . . . . #sorryforthesobstory #guitar #metalismylife #mammothfest #thankyou
Missing Ireland so much especially on this hot day. Missing the weather. Seeing all the new kids come to my college is making me miss my discipleship group of girls. #sorryforthesobstory #missingireland
My nemesis today. I signed up for this comp at this level to gain mental toughness and learn a new thing...double unders. I have good days and bad days with them but I am so determined to be awesome at them. I didn't do very well in this event, BUT what I did gain was a lot of mental toughness which is far more important in this sport then anything. I pushed through, even when I started crying in the middle of the workout and wanted to give up. So, even though I won't podium today or even place very high. I pushed through one of the Hardest things I've ever done. Thank you to everyone who cheered me on! My amazing husband, who despite the stomach flu, came out and sat in the heat and yelled at me like usual ๐Ÿ˜œ he made me feel safe. My nerves were crazy until he showed up. And thank you to good friends and coaches @tinahuiweightlifting and @eric_boombox_bmbx for keeping me calm and soaking me with water when I thought I was going to die. All my friends who came out today from @p4lfitness  and @boomboxcrossfit  for encouraging me throughout the day. First comp at D2 and never going back down! Thanks @bear_down_strength32  again for all your support and pushing me to work on things to always better myself. I love you ๐Ÿ’• #beardown #battleatthebarracks #sorryforthesobstory #doubleundersihateyou #oneday @kenziesmama10 @nrod1984 @marqum107 @melkenna @boombox_guz @permanentmakeupgirl and so many others!

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